My Personal NDE

Hello Everyone.

Recently, I was asked as a part of the Perceptual Studies research on near death experiences, to share my own NDE and realized that I would need to get it down into some kind of decent digital form. I’ve only officially shared this experience two other times. After I came back from my NDE I wrote it all down and I shared that article with a few close friends. Then I made a very poor digital recording of the event, but I didn’t have a good camera at that time and I was really nervous and I think it came off as rather robotic and drawn out. So here we are again and I will try to lay it all out as best I can and make it available to you, or anyone else who might care to listen.

One of the reasons I have held onto this experience for so long is I haven’t ever heard another one quite like it and felt maybe it was too personal to talk about, you know maybe just for me - plus it’s all so bizarre and I didn’t want to be considered weird or maybe even crazy ...or to have someone thinking I was just making it up. Actually, I didn’t really think anyone would believe me anyway!

And something I find interesting is that although this happened many years ago, it’s as if it happened only yesterday, everything is still as clear as it was then. It’s funny almost every NDE experience I’ve listened to, they all say that same thing - that this experience was more real than this life. You never forget the emotions. Every time I go back into that event in my mind, I’m flooded with all the same feelings that I had back then. That’s why it’s so hard to explain in words, because so much of it is feelings and sensations. It’s like trying to explain the warmth or tenderness of the love I felt. How is it even possible?

Oh, and I should say, the problem with trying to explain all this in a linear sequence is because at the time it almost seems like it all happened simultaneously and it’s sort of hard to explain what happened when, but I’ll do my best to make sure it’s all included somehow.

Well, okay. As I said, it was many years ago, at a time when my life was kind of a mess - well more than kind of. I had no idea who I was and felt really alone, even though I had a very supportive family, especially my sister. I had gone to a doctor hoping for help and all he did was to diagnose depression and send me home with a bottle of sleeping pills. I didn’t know where to turn. One afternoon, I was driving home to my empty apartment and a feeling of total exhaustion came over me and all I could think of was to be able to fall asleep and never have to wake up again. I felt like a lost soul on an alien planet and all I wanted to do was go home.

Well, obviously I’m not proud of this, but when I got to my apartment, without even thinking I grabbed my bottle of sleeping pills and poured them all into one hand and choked them all down with my orange juice. The next thing I did was to yank out the phone cord from the wall. This was back when everyone had landline phones. I threw the comforter off the bed, pulled on my blue bunny-pajamas, closed the drapes, plopped down onto the bed and closed my eyes.

My next thing I was aware of was a soft voice whispering my name. The voice was instantly familiar to me and yet I couldn't quite place who it was. I was suddenly very comfortable, immobilized, almost as if I were drifting upward and this feeling stayed with me for awhile. Soon it was like I could open my eyes and could see my surroundings and I was floating high above a room and as I looked downward I could see the figure of a woman lying on a bed. She was wearing blue footed-pajamas and had a kind of a sad looking red bow hanging down on her forehead. It took only a second to realize that this person I was looking at was me - my own body. The weird thing was, I remember as I looked down at her I didn’t feel any real connection or closeness to this person, instead what I felt was how foolish people can be.

The next thing I remember - well I say the next thing, but like I said, it’s hard to know when it all came about, but it seemed like it was one of the first things I noticed. It was that voice again - the same voice that called my name. The instant I focused on that sound, I felt myself being drawn upward into a sort of radiant or shining mist that started swirling around me. And here I remembered that I wasn’t in my body, yet I felt like me. But it was more like I was a sort of essence with maybe an orb-like shape? Anyway, this illuminated mist formed into foggy cloud-like formations and I was floating along like on a breeze, toward that voice.

Here’s another thing that’s hard to explain, but it was like I was wrapped in a cocoon of light. Everything was brilliant white light and the feeling reminded me of being tenderly held by a loving mother, warm and safe and completely loved. It seemed like I floated in this bliss for days or maybe weeks - like it was an eternity.

But I do finally recall being pulled from that sensation into a place that felt more material - well not material, more tangible - more perceptible and the voice continued pulling me forward. Again I tried to place who it was speaking, but just couldn't. You know, it was like when you hear someone on the phone and you know you should recognize this person, but can't quite identify who it is.

At some point a brilliant light began to form ahead of me, or maybe I just finally noticed it, I’m not sure. The more I put my attention on it, the brighter and larger it grew and there was a sort of rushing sound around me, like a strong wind that made the voice harder to discern and instead of speaking my name it kinda changed into a soft pulsating hum, which I continued to hear throughout this experience, occasionally transforming into musical sounds or notes that seemed to be coming from everywhere, all around me. It was like being bathed in a beautiful melody.

The closer I came to the light my entire essence was immersed in a profound feeling of love - like an unconditional love, a love like I had never felt before, or since. And again, the word love doesn’t even seem intense enough - it was more like a reverence or a passionate emotion too powerful to describe - like if I tried to describe it further I would somehow tarnish the sacredness or significance of the moment.

And you know, this experience, from my perception, could have taken place over years. Any recognition of time had absolutely disappeared. I have no concept for how long I hovered in this tranquil state, but it felt like it could have been a lifetime. And during this phase I could hear words coming into my awareness - some that I remember were like, You are a magnificent energy being of light - a spark of divinity - whole and perfect just as you are - a powerful creator - you have never left us and are only dreaming your life on earth - you are here safe at home and will be watched over and protected until you awaken from the dream". There was a continual stream of this sort of supportive dialogue and I just kind of blissed out on the love.

Then, at some point I became aware of another voice, or maybe not a voice but a presence, prompting me back into consciousness, as it were, and I watched as a figure materialized in front of me. At first it was just a foggy haze, but as I watched, it developed into a humanlike embodiment which kind of glowed, like it radiated light from within. It’s kind of hard to put a gender to this glowing being, but I felt there was a notable feminine quality to the voice and a kind of etheric beauty unlike anything I had ever seen in life. She exuded such warmth and kindness and I was immediately put completely at ease.

You know, oddly I never questioned where I was or what was happening to me during these moments, yet everything felt strangely familiar, in many ways more familiar than the life I had just left. I’m not sure I could have even told you who I was at that point.

So, the first communication from this being was to inform me that I would probably not be staying in this realm. She explained that in all likelihood I would be returning to my body, but first would accompany her on a journey. Watching this delicate entity as she spoke to me, it registered that her mouth was actually not moving. Instead of speaking verbally, the information came straight into my mind and not in words, but in large packets of information, each containing huge amounts of data, which were brought directly into my awareness. It was much as if I were remembering what I already knew, simply regaining intelligence that had been temporarily forgotten and the more data I received the more (how would say this?) the more expanded I felt - like I suddenly knew all the answers to the universe and every question I had ever had was answered. The instant I came to this understanding, I felt myself moving again and the environment around me changed.

Now I was looking into what appeared to be a vast space or large room - everything was illuminated, filled with a white light. In the center of the room was a large round table surrounded by several chairs. Seated at the chairs were approximately a dozen human-like entities all dressed in white robes. Some of them had white or gray hair and I remember thinking they must be very wise advanced beings. I guess to me the gray hair was a sign of wisdom. The amazing thing was that instantly, I recognized this space and knew that at some point in my existence, I had been here, in this room. I was told that these beings are a like a council that helps to guide and advise souls who are in the planning stages of an incarnation and at that very second I remembered why this was familiar to me. These same beings were the ones I had called my guardians as a child.

Well, I’m not sure when this happened, but I now was in a body that felt more like mine, only like it was made of energy or light. I sat at this table with these amazing beings for what seemed like hours, as they explained to me who I was and why I was here and why I had come to Earth for this human life. This was all done telepathically. They told me that before I had come into the body, they had assisted me (as they do all incoming souls) in creating a script for this upcoming lifetime. Through my own choices and their advice and guidance, an outline is created, providing a map toward the intended goals of that lifetime and the more knowledge they shared with me, the more I remembered that experience. For example, I clearly recalled the process of choosing my own body, how each feature and characteristic was considered toward the goals of this upcoming incarnation, physical appearance, personality traits, attitude. One thing that was made very clear to me at that time, was being advised that a high vibration, optimism, and a light heart would be very important.

And this part just still blows me away. They reminded me that I had volunteered to come onto planet earth, with many other souls, to fulfill a particular need at a crucial time in the evolution of humanity and to help with the earth's transition into a higher density. They informed me that this was not the only time I had done this sort of task, but was the only time I had taken on a human body, They said that during these initial planning stages, souls are shown what to expect and warned how dangerous this planet could be with mankind's tendency toward violence. It is explained that, what they called the earth-school, is the most demanding in all universes and that by coming into this lower density, with its violence and chaos, there would be a remote possibility of becoming lost within this sea of human emotions. They explained that it could be pretty challenging to consistently hold a high vibration while surrounded by such potential darkness. However, they also assured me that I would never be alone and would always be guided and advised. Nevertheless, through free-will there is always a possibility of divergence from the script. And if this were to happen, they indicated that I would then be on my own to find my way back and that all they could do would be to continue offering guidance and hope that I followed it.

They explained that as a rule, throughout these planning sessions, the incarnating soul meets with this council and other souls who will be participating in the journey with them, like those who would become friends or family members, or even enemies and rivals, would be chosen to challenge the soul into reawakening. Numerous decisions are made during this time, place of birth, nationality, parents, physical appearance as I said, intellectual capacity, talents and abilities, and these are all are written into the script. The soul, with the help of the guides, must also decide on a personal objective, something that they hope to accomplish for their own evolution and then add each component toward that end, choosing every significant encounter, event, and relationship. From all of this, a template is then designed incorporating all these facts and details.

I was again reminded that I had agreed to come in with a group of souls who would be incarnating all around the globe with the collective goal of lifting human consciousness. These extraterrestrial beings from many different worlds and dimensions, would come to earth in a massive wave, the first of several similar groups to follow.

They went on to describe how, with the misuse of the atomic bomb, the Galactic Federation (which oversees the earth) had been forced to decide at that time what action should be taken, whether to intervene in some way, or to simply allow mankind the destructive path they were on, undoubtedly ending in total annihilation of the species and the planet. A vote was taken and it was decided to put out a call out to the universe for volunteers to come and help the Earth through these transitional years. These volunteers would provide the influence needed to raise the planet's density and provide a more positive outcome, allowing humanity another chance to evolve as it was meant to. And I know how crazy this all sounds, like Star Trek or something. That’s why I held off talking about any this for so long - it sounds so bizarre!

Well anyway, the first wave of these star-children, or starseeds as they’re called, would arrive just as WWII was coming to an end, their sole purpose to raise the frequency of the planet. They would be scattered all around the world, spreading their light at a time when humanity was on the edge of destroying itself. These children would carry an individual soul-signature and would be monitored and assisted throughout life. Their level of inner awareness and higher resonance would inspire some to become teachers, scientists, philosophers, writers, or performers. And although a large majority of these new humans would choose very normal lives, raising families and pursuing careers, others would be loners, attracted to very simple contemplative lives, yet nearly all would at some point find themselves pulled toward spiritual pursuits, such as metaphysics and the transcendental.

Before coming into a human body, each of these volunteers would be informed how difficult life on Earth could be, especially for first-timers. Consequently, some of these volunteers might at some point in their lives, be compelled toward thoughts of suicide, as a strategy for escape from the confusion and chaos of an Earthly life. Therefore, written into each agreement, would be a number of potential exit points, windows of opportunity for departure or withdrawal from Earth, where the body would die, but the soul would go home. These exit points would be assigned to each of these souls at various points within the life of the individual and they would be set at specific junctures when both the planet and soul would be vibrationally compatible, so as to cause the least amount of trauma to everyone involved. I was told that I was currently in one of these potential exit windows and this was the purpose for this meeting. Wow.

It was explained that I would have the choice to stay or to return to the body. They assured me there would be no judgements or repercussions with whichever choice I made, however, they did advise that this starseed presence was imperative to the future of mankind. They also assured me that if I willingly returned I would be permitted to keep these memories of this encounter, which would be helpful in keeping my spirits up during difficult times. They added that their constant love, support, and guidance would only be a thought away.

Until this point the council had remained seated, but now one of the females rose from her chair and stepped closer to me and extended her hand out toward me. I took her hand and we began slowly moving, more like floating, away from the table. Nearly instantly we were in a new setting. Like I said, it’s really hard to tell which happened when, but we were now standing in an amazingly beautiful parklike meadow with green grass and brightly colored flowers and magnificent tall trees. And just as an aside, I have returned to this same visual several times over my life - like something would cause me to change my focus and I would pop into this place again. Anyway, I was stunned at the beauty and vivid colors. The grass was greener than I have ever seen on Earth and the flowers looked as if they had ben dipped in paint - the colors had a richness and depth to them, like the color was layered - and the sky a deeper blue than I had ever remembered seeing and that amazing music continued. My guide then dropped my hand and made a small waving gesture and near where we were standing, suspended in the air, was a large holographic screen, more like a window, but with more depth and dimension. With another wave of her hand a scene appeared in front of us and I was shocked to realize that what we were looking at was a visual of my own bedroom with the body still lying on the bed. She then turned toward me and told me that we would be viewing several pivotal events from my life which she felt would be important to review. It was so fascinating and I was actually kind of exited about looking back on my life and we spent the next ...whatever...skimming through past events, some I remembered, others had been long-forgotten. The amazing thing was that I discovered I was not only observing these scenes, but was immersed within the event, as I if were reliving each second with all the emotions and sensations of the original episode and at the conclusion of each, my guide would ask for my viewpoint of what I had just seen, how I now felt about it, and what my original intent had been. I could tell this was not meant as a judgement, but was more for my own assessment.

In the midst of some of these scenes I would find myself as the other person, reliving the event from their perspective, seeing and feeling all the emotions and reactions that they had felt as a result of what I had said or done. Needless to say, some of these moments were very uncomfortable and I would find myself in deep remorse, wishing I could change it all. Fortunately there were also several of these past events that I felt quite good about, they were those times when I was able to provide comfort, often without realizing the effect at the time, or to make someone smile and feel better about themselves. I loved these moments and wanted more of those!

After a time, she switched the review from past circumstances into future events, showing me people I would meet and things I would do if I chose to return to the body. She would then show me these same events, in the exact timeline, but without me, without my presence. This was amazing and meant to show how different these circumstances would be without me. She explained that each one of us is a crucial part of the whole and when one departs early everything on that timeline is altered and must adapt to those changes, which then creates an entirely different timeline, different future. I was then given glimpses of a new earth and a society without war. I was told that this was one potential for humanity, if a large enough percentage of souls could raise their frequency and evolve toward a more loving state. I was shown a world at peace, with no need for money or government, where communities worked and played together for the greater good. In this probable future there was no longer illness or disease and every life was valued. The entire planet was once again in balance and nature had been restored and all of humankind had developed a deep reverence and respect for the Earth and for each individual life.

As I watched this amazing world unfolding before me, I looked into the faces of the people and I felt such love and gratitude for the miracle of hope and renewal. All I wanted at that moment was to become a part of making this happen.

The moment I came to that realization I felt myself withdrawing from the scene, almost as if I were falling forward. In an instant I was back in my body, choking and gasping for breath. I could hear an intense pounding and it took me awhile to realize it was someone beating on my front door. It was my sister who had been trying to call me and knew something must be wrong. The first words I tried to say to her I just burst out laughing. I couldn’t believe I was in that same life that a short time ago had seemed so dark and hopeless and now here I was and everything was different. My sister poured coffee down my throat until she could tell I was going to be okay ...and all I could think about was how I would never be able to tell her about where I had been.

Those first few hours after returning to my body I was in a state of delirium, my senses still reeling with the experience and information I had received. I felt so grateful. All I wanted to do was to find a way to share that love and knowledge that I had received on the other side and I was absolutely determined to live the very best life possible. That dream of the new Earth is still so alive within me and that deep sense of purpose that I felt during, and after, that magical NDE has never left me.

Thanks Guys ...thanks so much. Bye.